ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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