Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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