i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
