i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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