It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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