good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A+ Viking dick
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
