his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
