I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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