You made me cry and you don't even care
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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