I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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