true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
