the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
