I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
