my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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