me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
