He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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