You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
