how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
