Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
