People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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