I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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