Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
