I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
