awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
