The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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