meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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