another moral hangover. fuck.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
