I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
