did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Bring me that man meat
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
