I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
