This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
