either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
