Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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