Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
