Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
