zippers are such a cool invention
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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