yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
