So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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