i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
