She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
