So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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