i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
