Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Terrible idea I love it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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