please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just google imaged poop.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
