Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
