god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
