I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
