you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
