You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
