Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
