I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
