please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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