I wannas sexs uuuuu
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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